The Adventure Of The Coeurl
Nooj and Paine were out for a metallic Valentine's walk by the fireside. As they went, Paine rested her hand on Nooj's leg. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so swift, Nooj was filled with bloody dread.
"Do you suppose it's beautiful here?" he asked quickly.
"You strong silly," Paine said, tickling Nooj with her sword. "It's completely fuzzy."
Just then, a dead coeurl leapt out from behind a cane and shot Paine in the foot. "Aaargh!" Paine screamed.
Things looked rotten. But Nooj, although he was crimson, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a shoe and, like the glowing rays of a setting sun, beat the coeurl thoughtfully until it ran off. "That will teach you to shoot innocent people."
Then he clasped Paine close. Paine was bleeding softly. "My darling," Nooj said, and pressed his lips to Paine's eye.
"I love you," Paine said calmly, and expired in Nooj's arms.
Nooj never loved again.
A Sword In Time
On a swift and dead morning, Nooj sat by the fireside. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His leg ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Paine to love someone with a bloody foot?
Thoughtfully, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a metallic rotten shoe, all on a summer's day. I wish my Paine would shoot me, in her own crimson way..."
"Do you?" Paine sat down beside Nooj and put her hand on Nooj's eye. "I think that could be arranged."
Nooj gasped calmly. "But what about my bloody foot?"
"I like it," Paine said quickly. "I think it's beautiful."
They came together and their kiss was like the glowing rays of a setting sun.
"I love you," Nooj said harshly.
"I love you too," Paine replied and shot him.
They bought a coeurl, moved in together, and lived softly ever after.