Thanks to kunstarniki for the pointer. (So this will be a repeat for some of you, but really, can anyone ever have too much Bulwer-Lytton?)
Many gems, as always, but this was the first one that made me laugh out loud:
"It was a day, like any other day, in that Linus got up, faced the sunrise, used his inhaler, applied that special cream between his toes, wrote a quick note and put it in a bottle, and wished he'd been stranded on the island with something other than 40 cases each of inhalers, decorative bottles, and special toe cream."
(Confidential to giandujabird: I direct your attention to the winner in the Western category. Can it be?)
I wonder if anyone has ever run a Bulwer-Lytton-type contest for fanfic.